Drafts Need Endings

If I could turn these letters into coherent thoughts and tie the stars together to form constellations, I would feel much more at ease.  The truth is, I’m not really on much of a writing hiatus at all.  Instead, I’ve been collecting fragments and scattered ideas to form something that will hopefully make sense in the end.  I’ve been building deep studies and piecing together the puzzle of my heart.  It’s been a rather messy process and I think my hands have come out with quite a few cuts and bruises, but I’m excited about the outcome of it all.

It’s much like cultivating an old garden.  I’ve been working the ground for a while now, but I’m finally starting to get to the end of all the rusty pieces and broken pottery.  Flowers are bursting forth, and it’s time to write their story.  My mind is full of eraser crumbs and scratched out ideas, but the horizon is endless and I can barely catch my breath as we dance through the sunset of this chapter.

Santa Monica Pier, March 2015

 

~Tori Lynn

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Five Years

Five years ago, I started my journey in writing.

At times it’s been a skip through the briars, and others a hike through the meadows, but I think I’m finally starting to get a grip of what it means to climb mountains.  What I mean by that, is simply explained through the first Rule of Writing,

“Write to Discover.”

And while I could diverge on the other rules of writing, such as “There is no greater discovery than love.”  I would rather hone in on some of the less obvious discoveries I’ve made in my journey.  When I first started, my writing was sloppy and overzealous a best, I poured intense amounts of character into stories with no landscape and rants with no backbone.  Is this to say it was all pointless?  By no means.  I had to discover the follies of my thoughts and misplaced imageries.  The crusty wallpapers came down to reveal quite a different landscape of my own mind.

I’m rather certain that five years ago, I never would have imagined myself here, and by here I don’t only mean Southern California.  I had a rather dull view of happiness, thinking that it would be satisfied in finding “The” relationship and flying off to another country in glamour, letting God spill out His direction like shimmering jewels every time I doubted His existence.  I couldn’t quite recap the events or words that led to such a dream, but the glowing fields I painted in my head were covered in shards of glass such as depression, deep-seated hatred, ungratefulness, and a load of selfish ambition.  It’s sort of embarrassing to divulge the true state of my heart at times, but only through writing have I really been able to come to terms with it all.  Though I haven’t written near as much on here, I haven’t stopped journalling since then, and I’m at the point where I almost fill an entire notebook every month.

However, I’ve made many other discoveries as well.  Vulnerability has helped me uncover the wildflowers of my past, to stumble upon abandoned coves and open up brand new horizons that are awaiting their own sunsets.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how long I’ll retain this blog, and I suppose now is as good a time as ever to announce that there may be some pretty big changes on the horizon.  After five years of pouring out the treasures and thorns from my journey, I have much hope for the future.  I can’t imagine what has kept you all so attentive to these words for so long, but I hope that you find encouragement in this.

Romans 5:3-4 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

I’m truly happy.

The trek up the mountain of life has become rather challenging, and I love it.  The new directions and hopes have opened up broadened skies and I feel so free.  The truth is freeing, but it’s the kind of medicine that stings on the way down, and if you aren’t willing to take it, you’ll end up much like a child skipping barefoot through fields of glass, claiming them to be flowers.  Trust me, it doesn’t end well.

For the time being, I will continue to post my discoveries here, but don’t be surprised when bigger changes come this way.  Thank you for bearing with me! (Happy five years!!)

~Tori Lynn

Confidence

Romans 14:23b and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

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Every step should be a step in faith.
Faith is a confidence, a trust in the unseen.
Were I to look up and suddenly not trust the ground,
I would be considered a fool.
And rightly so.

So why is it,
that when I doubt the steps I take,
that it seems natural?
This should not be,
for as much as the ground is still there,
surely He has and will be there longer.

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This is quite the epic journey
And one rather unexpected.
However, this is no excuse to doubt.
I must be confident in my steps.
Not only on the physical ground,
but on this tangible pathway where grace abounds.

If I am to doubt,
as I have,
I am thankful for those
who correct my course.
That is love.

Full of twists and never-ending turns,
this journey will wind on.
And I am ever thankful
that this is the journey I am on.

~Tori Lynn

Flux & Flow

Flux: Continuous change

Change.  The ultimate shifts that cause us to become different.  However, do things ever really stop changing?  I’ve come to discover that change is simply part of the flow of things.  Without change, we become stagnate, annoying and essentially purposeless.

Psalm 66:10 For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.

It is by this ever-moving process of change that we are refined.  Through the intensity of heat in these moments, we find our sins being drawn the the surface and melting off.  Never will running from the fire produce this kind of repentance.  In it, though, there’s this element of unknown.  I’ve oft found the next step to be fuzzy when I didn’t see this one coming, but I’m learning that it’s no excuse.

Flow: a steady, continuous stream of something

Never-ending.  The calling to move onward against any and all odds.  Not to be stopped by obstacles or confusion, but pushing forward without ceasing.  But in this flow, do things really stay the same?  As a stream flows down a mountain, the land changes, the wildflowers are different, it has to bend around the land to continue, as do we.

James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

In this ever-changing process of movement, we grow.  Through these trails we become who we were made to be.  The elements of trials and opposition are much like the pain it takes to build muscle.  As we run against the waves, they don’t seem so large and intimidating anymore.  Though, as you push on towards deeper waters, the waves will still get taller.  Take heart, though, for we are also growing stronger as we continue to push through.

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember in all of this is the reason behind it.  If we begin to fight the waves or stand through the fire for our own personal gain, we will lose sight and we will sink.

~Tori Lynn

Yet Another Journey

Some adventures surpass words,
Some goodbyes will always hurt,
Some days will touch our hearts,
Some sentences will never start.

Amazing adventures come and pass,
but friendships strong are built to last.

Remember this with our farewell,
There’s more to come and stories to tell,
We’ll meet again, so until then,
Farewell my dear and heartfelt friends.

~Tori Lynn

Contentment

Sunset
If I could capture this moment,
I would call it contentment,
With the sun slipping down,
Mingling with the clouds,
As Paramore streams from the speakers,
And we talk about everything and nothing,
Turning the pages,
Digging into the Word,
Singing and laughing,
This is family,
And this is contentment.
It doesn’t matter what we have,
because we’ve made it this far,
it doesn’t matter where we are,
because we’re bound in this task,
to love Him,
to love each other,
to love them all,
and nothing could be grander.
~Tori Lynn