One year ago, my life changed entirely. However, it was truly just the beginning of a new journey.
When I said the words; “Jesus is Lord.” I realized that life would always ask me, “Is He really?”
I can genuinely say that I’m not the scared little girl I was when I went down into the water, but I’m not necessarily the girl that came up out of them either. Though I died to myself a year ago, I have learned the truth in this verse:
Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
Daily. Every single day from here on out I am becoming more of Him and less of me, and it’s been fantastic. There are the obvious changes, of course, learning what it means to be a woman as well as living as a Disciple. But a friend of mine asked me the other night, “Besides those, how have you changed the most?”
It caused me to think deep, but being able to answer that question was evidence enough.
I used to carry a thick notebook with worn pages and a cover that was falling apart. I called it my “Thoughts” notebook, but secretly referred to it as a “Breakdown notebook.” Every time my mind could no longer comprehend things, I would write frantically, hoping to calm myself down. Shortly after this time last year, I simply stopped using it, and one day took it back to North Carolina and left it behind. As I was explaining, I realized what caused this difference. Openness, the freedom to express the depths of my heart with people whether or not they will understand. As I poured out my heart with the brothers and sisters this weekend, the reality of this beautiful truth set in.
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Perhaps I no longer need this form of therapy because now I have learned to trust God and talk to the people He has given me, and to listen to what they have to say. Honestly, I know these are still my first steps, but the mountains ahead are thrilling, and my heart can only harbor so much hope. Sincerely and truly, I want to thank all of you who helped me get this far.
As I reflected in the mountains this past weekend on the year before, my heart was overwhelmed with a joy unspeakable. Standing in the same places I had cried out to God for clarity the year before welled up gratitude within my heart. Where last year I was filled with questions, this year I have been immersed in a deep love. From the depths of my heart, God, I am grateful for Your kingdom and Your salvation. When people ask me how it’s been, my answer remains: “It’s the hardest life, but it’s the best life.”
Philippians 3:7-8 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ
It’s been a wonderful journey so far and I can hardly wait to see what this year holds. Somewhere along the line I realized that it’s no longer a trip or simply an adventure, but the life I’ve been given, and a splendid one at that. And I want to say, thank you Lord for loving me! ❤