Away, on a distant island of thought…

This fine evening, my sister and I finished watching the last season of The Suite Life on Deck. I never read a book, watch a movie, or even a TV show without planning to get something out of it, but this, this was different. I remember the first episode of suite life I saw, back at camp, back when Zach and Cody were two adorable little twins. I grew up with them.

 These kids made me laugh. For a sheltered homeschooler, television is a big part of your social learning, at least at younger ages. I probably sound pathetic, but I don’t really care because at this very moment I feel pathetic. As the show progressed, they grew up, and so did I. What must it have been like, growing up on the show, having to end it one day, at the end of their last season? I’m not going to go back and rewatch all the old episodes, I have them all memorized. So many countless hours of my life has gone into watching these shows, if I remember correctly, it’s the first show I ever really cared about watching. It made me laugh as a child, and think and laugh as I got older. There came a point where I got tired of seeing the same thing over and over again, so I stopped watching. But I’d watch over the computer screen every time alix watched a new episode. The jokes were lame, the plots were thin, but the cheesiness in a way was real. Sometimes life is just cheesy. Perhaps it’s a teenager thing, perhaps it’s just an isolated event, but I know it’s not just me, but nostalgia has become a big thing as of late, and when a piece of your childhood falls to the dust in such a time… It adds to it. Sure, the series ended a while ago, but I didn’t see it until tonight. I held off, because I knew it’d be emotionally painful. In a way, suite life is kind of like my life, in a way. They grew up in one environment, with a certain realm of people, then all of a sudden were plunged into a new exciting adventure. With only scraps of their old life floating by every now and then. With new people, came new lives. Nothing would be the same for them, as nothing was the same for me. As time wore on, the new group became their identity. They grew together, experienced things beyond belief.

Adventure. Tests. Stories. Life. Trials. Good times. Love. Pain. Rejection. Smiles. Loneliness. Trouble. Learning. Life. School. Growing. Underestimation. Disappointment. Fear. Trust. Faith. Decisions. Change. Sacrifice. Insanity. Friendship. Relationships. Life.

I watched the beginning of the first episode and smiled. I remember the old theme song, I have the whole thing memorized. They boys were so much younger, I remember what I was like when these episodes came out… What life was like… So different.

Then came the end. So abrupt. I was ready for it, but I wasn’t really. Not fully. Not to see Zach finally soften up and get his heart broken, not for Cody to get rejected by Yale. But all of that went over for the time being, I watched with anticipation. The end was growing closer and closer, and well, part of me never wanted to see it come.

My mind began jumping from the show I’ve watched all my life into my own life. One day I’m going to face these things myself. I pushed the thought away, for it was just too much to bear. Then came graduation, haha, I never thought London’d graduate, but she did. Everything was changing, but I was still fighting off that little reminder in the back of my head that this is a part of life, a part I’m going to have to face. Success. It’s a wonderful thing, but it also means change.
Big change. Leaving. Separating. Goodbyes.

They happen. The things we never look forward to out of our dreams. One day I’ll be the one leaving. One day, this will happen to you as well, if it already hasn’t. Some people’s lives are full of goodbyes, one after another. Must I say, I’m proud of people who live like that. It takes strength. But not to just dismiss everyone, knowing they will eventually leave you, or you leave them. But to grow close to them, to love them anyway, and to keep in contact with them. Remain close over the distance, for it can be testing, but it will be worth it.

This isn’t goodbye

I despise goodbyes. They hurt. But when we must separate, instead know that it’s not goodbye, for we will see each other again, one day. Goodbye is the end, instead, farewell for now, I will always love you. Never leave someone you care about in any way other than what you want them to remember you by. Treat them as if you will never see them again, even when you know you will. While this crushed me, I know I’m not ready for the real ending. But I must be when the time comes. We all must be. If life takes us in different directions, I’ll still hold onto you. You’ll always be a part of my life. For this, this is our life, life we have been given, let’s honor Him.

Live long and prosper, Tori Lynn.

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